Alert level: red faced

Traveling through airports can be a little difficult with Theo. Lately though, it has gotten better. There was one trip though, almost two years ago that had me a little too busy thinking about Theo. It became obvious when I finally got a bathroom break and somehow ended up in the women’s restroom. Now wait a minute, I can explain (officer). There was constant pressure of watching Theo, and then there was another kind of pressure that indicated I needed to go to the right restroom, plus the signs were confusing or maybe my eyes were crossed.
I should have known something was wrong when there were no urinals. But I was in a hurry. Then I washed my hands. No one saw me. I mean someone came in and past by at the end of the line of sinks. Once I got back to the family, I started to think about it. So I returned to the room in question to look at the signs. Uh oh, I got to go. I told my wife and waited for Homeland Security. I wonder what color the Alert level was?

Purple haze all in my . . .

So I take Theo potty.  He’s got two flashlights.  And, of course, he cannot put them down.  So he shines both of them into the shower on the mold as he takes care of business.

Then I change his clothes and as I am dressing him he decides to expel gas.  Not earlier, but now.  And he gets very close to me when I put his pants on.  Then I grab his tooth brush and he dives for the hole under the vanity.  You know, it is where the lady of the house sits when she is primping.  It’s an old house.  For some reason Theo has got to be under the vanity when his teeth are brushed.  He carefully places one flashlight on a ledge and holds the other one in his hand.  I stoop over to brush and it is a little brighter under the vanity, which is good, but there is a lingering smell, which is bad.  Oh my goodness, I forgot about his flatulence and now it is in my face, burning my eyes and in general, killing me.

Partridge in a . . .

So Theo redressed himself this morning as usual – in his bathing suit.  But

later when I took him potty it was a little difficult to pull his bathing suit

down.  That is when I began to notice:

one pair of shorts,

two pairs of underwear

and a bathing suit on a pair spree.

Sing it with me now.

Trumpet boy

Well it happened.  I had Theo on the potty and got distracted with my face in the mirror (I could have been a model; but no one asked me).  I begin to hear a muffled sound, like someone playing with the wrong end of a trumpet.  So I pull myself away from the mirror and there’s Theo playing the wrong end of the plunger.  I can’t see half his face, but he is blowing away.   It did sound a little like Elmo’s potty song.  Oh well, I guess it could be worse; I’m not sure how though.  Argh!

Bathroom humor

So Theo and I are in the bathroom where we spend a lot of time doing the basic things and just hanging out. Theo is brushing his teeth, which is a story all by itself, I’m brushing my teeth. He learns through watching Dad (yikes). Well Theo decides he has had enough of personal hygiene and hightails it out of the bathroom. I remain for a little while, which is a story all by itself.
Then as I’m leaving I see the Netflix package open on the dresser and the DVD is gone. So I hightail it downstairs into the basement and see Theo on the couch in front of the T.V. making excited gestures and noises. I arrive just in time to see a trailer with Morgan Freeman and that Leonardo kid. I push eject, which I can’t see but I have the button memorized, and it is the movie – The Departed. I don’t think so.
Holly and I later watched the first thirty minutes or so and I don’t care how many great actors it has, I don’t want Theo learning a Yankee accent. Oh yeah, not to mention the cursing.