Painted black

So I painted the basement’s office/bedroom. And I didn’t arrange for Theo to be watched. I figured que sera sera. By the way, if you are in a Seminary class and your Old Testament professor is handing out a test, then quotes a Latin phrase which means something like ‘As you studied, so may you perform’ – don’t quote que sera sera. Fyi.
Anyway, so Theo’s interest was peaked when I began to prepare for painting. So he sauntered over, grabbed my paint stick, which was quarter round trim because he had taken my paint stick earlier, and as soon as I cranked up my electric hand sprayer, he began to beat on the wall. Not sure of the connection. Actually, between Theo’s adjusting the plastic tarp, hands on the wall, bringing in the other paint can, taking my sprayer kit outside to the swing set (where I found my paint stick) and other helpful deeds, the painting went well. Imagine that?

Now I got to go prime the concrete and get it ready to stain.  Makes me think of that song by Ray Lamontagne.

Help yourself

Saturday started out as a beautifully cool, breezy day.  So I sat on the front porch reading Alter’s translation of the Psalms and a commentary on James; which my pastor will begin expounding tomorrow.  Nice Spring morning, coffee that wasn’t wretched, gardenias blooming a few feet away with their pleasant smell and then, sounds of Alex in the kitchen – or so I thought.  While praying for discernment and wisdom, I believed wrongly that Alex was helping herself to coffee and breakfast.

Eventually I had to leave the idyllic porch and enter the kitchen only to find Theo!  There, in front of the dishwasher, he sat with Windex and a rag; the egg carton was on the counter and an egg in the frying pan.  Fortunately the Windex was virtually empty, but I wondered where the egg shell was.  While I was front porch dreaming; Theo was preparing his usual breakfast.

So, the frying pan had no oil or butter, but had an egg.  The egg shell had gone missing, and the dishwasher was clean.  I found the egg shell under the cabinet next to the trash with a lot of egg dripped on the brown bags.  I then slipped the egg out of the frying pan and sprayed it with Pam and proceeded to cook Theo’s much needed breakfast.

Later, Alex looked in the oven before turning it on for pizza and found the wooden cutting board.  Good gravy boy!

Theo, rakes, and BBQ

Theo is becoming more helpful.  I just finished smoking a Boston Butt for nine hours in my ugly drum smoker and wrapped it in foil, then slipped it in a brown bag to let the succulent juices soak deep into the pig, when Theo came up the stairs with the big ugly yard rake.  So I chased him around the table, de-raked him and returned the utensil outside.  Then I ran back up stairs to find Theo nicely finishing unwrapping the pork.  Argh.  Later when the true unveiling had taken place, Theo got a couple of forks, like me, and helped me pull the pork.

Some like it hot

Recently I have started smoking meat and grilling more.  Thanks to my brother’s experience I have been able to leap to the porch where the big boys smoke.  However, there are some rookie mistakes that pop up now and then.  Like seasoning the meat – I get carried away sometimes.  My wife finally said, ‘You know, I like the taste of meat.  Just use salt and maybe pepper.  No more chili powder; no more cayenne pepper.”  She has a history of making fantastic food with a very few utensils.  So after church I grilled pork tenderloin and asked my sweet wife what seasoning she would like on it – not trusting myself.  Okay, so salt, pepper and garlic pepper – got it.  When it was all over and I was sampling the pig in the living room, I heard Theo in the kitchen – which is a formula for disaster.  So I asked Alex to check on it and heard her yell “Dad!”  Apparently Theo had been watching the bad example of his over seasoning father.  He had retrieved the cayenne pepper, salt, and curry from the cabinet and poured out the full bottle of cayenne pepper onto the two pork tenderloins.  There was this beautiful pile of red dust millimeters high on the lovely caramelized tender loins.  So I got a rag and began to salvage the poor pigs, but what I should have thought of first was the respirator in my tool room.  Talk about pepper spray.  I mean I thought I actually heard someone yell, ‘Put the rag down and get down on your face.’  Fortunately, I had already poured the heat down the drain.  Oh, words of advice . . . don’t turn the garbage disposal on when you are flushing a full bottle of cayenne pepper down the sink.

Better go see what Theo is up to.

I get by with a little help from my friend

After Theo’s abundant redundant help, we decided to take a trip to Harris Teeter.  Well, he has his routines you know.  At the grocery store his usual habit is to get the huge buggy and sit in it, making sure we get two (not one) sample cookies in the Deli section.  However this time, something changed, I don’t know what happened inside his head – he didn’t tell me.  But he ran to get a buggy and gave it to me, then he got another one and we proceeded into the store like a two car train – engine and caboose.  And that is how we shopped.  It was a good thing I wore my steel toe boots.  Theo doesn’t seem to understand yet when to stop.

So there he was following me throughout the store while I threw food into my basket.  People acting like everything is normal.  It wasn’t long until he caught on.  He started picking up products and tossing them in.  Then I would take them out and put them back exactly where they were – kind of.  After a while Theo started putting in things that worked.  While on the candy isle, I grabbed some whoppers and he looked at me and he grabbed some M&Ms, which are his favorite.  Then on the health/medicine isle he spied some Spongebob Band-Aids – they were in.  Then I stopped by the Beer section to look at some of my favorite beer, Flying Dog, Dogfish Head, and looked around to see Theo precariously holding a bottle of wine headed for his basket.  I carefully grabbed the bottle and put it back while he grabbed another bottle.  This went on for three bottles – man I needed a drink.

So, we finally made it to the self serve checkout and you talk about a conflagration.  I pulled up to one and Theo started on another.  I grabbed him and brought him over to mine and showed him how to scan the products.  I had to watch to make sure I wasn’t charged twice, while the check out lady kept fixing our check out.  Then exiting the store Theo had to get a balloon – I felt like I deserved one too.

A lamp unto my feet

A couple of days ago, I started picking up, getting ready for the spouse to come home.  Theo decides to give an over abundance, of redundant help.  So I take the garbage can to the street and he grabs the recycle can, which is more his size, and follows.  He places his can right next to the one I put at the street and then we walk back into the house.  Next thing I know, Theo is pulling the recycle can back down the driveway to the back of the house.   Then, without warning, he takes it to the front.  Well this goes on for a total of six trips, which would place the can in the back yard, he then puts his red bat into the blue can and takes it to the street.  Talk about taking it to the streets and I guess seven is the number of completion.  I’m glad that is over.

So I relax a little and suddenly see Theo in the driveway with the stand up lamp from our living room.  This is the lamp he likes to take from the living room to the table for Spongebob when we are conducting school.  So I run out and explain to Theo that I am returning the lamp and I do not look at the next door neighbor’s house.  I didn’t even want to know if they were watching.

Little helper, big time

Theo is always trying to help.  For example, in the picture on the side (right, left, top, middle, whatever) he is trying to set the sprinkler up for watering the lawn.  But we here in Theo-land must stay on our toes.  I adjusted the sprinkler right after this picture was taken so it would stay on the grass and then I thought, ‘Theo might be turning the water on right now while I am gazing into the nozzles.’  So I deftly pointed the nozzles away from my face and sure enough, Theo had in fact turned the water on – in an attempt to help.

One morning I heard Theo jump out of bed and run down stairs.  Often he goes into the laundry room to change clothes into something that suits his style.  A little while later I was in the laundry room down stairs and noticed the washer was on and the timer read:  1:36.  I looked inside to see very little clothing.  Finally I figured out how to turn it off and there were his clothes that he had taken off that morning.  Theo changed his clothes alright.  He took them off and threw them into the washer.  It’s the thought that counts.

And when Theo wants French fries then he is full of help.  Oh yes, when it is that marvelous invention, long, slender, crispy fried, po-ta-toes; those killers of all diets that are attributed to the French, but were created in Belgium (sounds familiar), then Theo is a hands on, micro-manager.  First he gets the bag out of the freezer, finds me and shakes the bag like a ghost with a chain.  I let them thaw out a little and then acquiesce.  So we both head for the kitchen, tripping on each other like two puppies.  I turn on the burner and Theo suddenly realizes:  oil!  So he retrieves the vegetable oil from the pantry and I oil those frozen mamas while he excitedly rummages through the refrigerator for the ketchup.   While the oil is warming, Theo applies the second best food group to his plate, that wonderful red, red stuff, that Esau sold his birth right for, Hunt’s crème de la crème.  Finally the oil is warming so I test it by gently throwing in a sacrificial fry; a small fry.  Well Theo grabs one or two and slams them in for the score (I clean up later).  So while father and son wait for the mother and child reunion (tomato and potato), the son imitates how the father stands.  First one foot crossed over the other, then switch.  That goes on for about a minute, then Theo places his head on the counter in exhaustion – I guess anticipation is making him wait (remember?).  Okay, so the gourmet food is ready and I begin to scoop out the hot delectables and Theo has got to be there.  Right up in my work with white hot oil.   So I carefully transfer them onto his plate, which he grabs and then laughs as he carries it downstairs.

Putting things right

Okay, so I wrote the post below then I start my day and eventually cook breakfast for Theo. While cooking I decide to get a bowl in the cabinet and while lifting it up I spy a measuring tape in the bowl below it. Now if I can get Theo to put things where they belong I will be on my way.

Fastidious

Things disappear around here.  Yesterday after mowing the back yard, then seeding it again I threw away the big empty seed bag.  So I opened up the recycling garbage can and right on top of paper and plastic were three Netflix movies and one book.  Not just any Netflix shows, mind you, but shows that I had ordered long ago and they finally came – two on beer and one on wine.  It was bad enough that the Netflix on Single Malt was sent back before I viewed it, but this was shocking.  The book, in this humble can, was on humility.  Got to watch that kid like a hawk!

A couple of days ago we started working on our lawn.  Theo was very excited about our new seed spreader.  He pushed it to the front, then to the back.  He even got it in the house at one point.