State of the Poop Address

Yesterday, Theo and I played quite a while on the table bench – pushing a truck back and forth.  He loved it.  Then we just sat there and I read.  Suddenly, he jumped up and ran down the hall.  I followed after I heard the first door to the hall bathroom close.  Then the second door.  I stood at that door listening to him.  I could tell he was undressing.  Then I heard him peeing.  Then not peeing.  So I unlocked the door and step into clear evidence of poop – and a clouded atmosphere.  Sure enough, he felt the urge and ran.  He did that the day before too.  He has come a long way; especially from the ER visits.  Just today I discovered him in the downstairs bathroom after pooping.

Now if you are new to this blog you may think, ‘What is with the poop-blogging?’  But I assure you this is huge – huge poop-news.  Theo is developing a new pattern.  Feeling the urge and taking care of it all alone.  Now if I could just get him to wipe.

Day four

Day four on our trip.  Theo is out of his routine, so you know what that means.  He has not pooped this whole trip.  If you are aware of the poop-posts you know I need a hot tub.  I just hope that he doesn’t change his mind at 30,000 feet later today.  Talk about an emergency landing.  Not even the Sky Marshall could handle this situation.  Suddenly the oxygen masks are deployed.  I’ve already imagined me and Theo in the Airliner’s bathroom.  Please God, loose those bowels – now!

I’ll try to keep you up to date with on the spot poop reports.

All in a day’s . . .

Earlier, when Theo had just gotten up, the first things he did were to put his back pack on and carry his block bag and hot wheels box out of the bedroom.  There at the entry to the kitchen he saw I had cereal set up for him on the table ready to pour.  Suddenly he tossed his back pack, dropped the other necessities as he ran to sit down and eat.

Then half way through his breakfast, Theo jumped up from the table and ran down the hall.  Two minutes later I checked on him.  He was in the bathroom pooping.  If you are new here please refer to other posts on poop.  You will get it; just don’t get it on you.

Then Theo walked directly back to the table to sit down and eat again.

Later, Theo suddenly decided to transverse down stairs.  So I checked on him and he was in the bathroom sitting on the toilet.  So I put his bun huggers back on, then he ran to the laundry room kicking up his legs like he does and closes the door.

So I write my wife an email describing all this and Theo shows up with shorts and a shirt for me to put on for him.  He already had his blue shorts on too.  In regard to style he marches to his own drum.  He is outside right now swinging in his blue shorts, shorts, shirt, red boots, and chemo-hair.

 

Poop

Warning:  Poop story!  Do not read if you are not into poop.  Stop.  Don’t do 
it. 
Okay, so Wednesday or Thursday Holly starts asking when did Theo poop last.  
Monday and Tuesday I was installing a French drain so my grip on poop 
information was a little loose . . . you know what I mean?  So we ended up on 
Saturday feeding Theo juice and spending quality time with him in the bathroom 
while he sat on the potty.  Finally, while I’m reading a book I hear a couple of 
grunts and quickly look:  poop success!  But it was huge.  Huge, I’m telling you 
. . . gigantic. 
Unfortunately he flushes before I can get Holly in to witness the event.  Then I 
spend a huge amount of time unplugging the toilet.  Like never before.  Theo 
must have felt like a million bucks.  And we are relieved too.  Nothing like a 
good poop – you know what I mean?

Poopvidence

Previously on this blog, I’ve stated, no exclaimed, my life is poop.  I mean that in the best possible way too.  In fact, I’m thinking about writing poop-slogans to place on T-shirts, coffee mugs (that’ll wake you up in the morning), and other nomenclature.  Maybe I could make a pile of poop-money.  Then share the poop-wealth, build a poop-dom.

Well, poops they are a changing.  Theo will now feel the call of nature (another poop slogan) and head for the bathroom!  Two years ago my life was poop and diapers.

Anyway, pooping along – yesterday I went to bring in Theo from swinging and change him out of his pajamas.  I walk down stairs and he is not on the swing, so I figure he is in the basement bathroom.  Sure enough, there he was pulling his bun huggers up.  Obviously he has just answered the call of nature, because of the poop-aroma.  But the toilet is plugged – big-time-poop-boy.

I can tell too, he feels better, lighter, as he shadow boxes in the corner.  Suddenly, just as I think my poopy life is less poopier, Theo flushed again!  I quickly, with the speed of anti-poop, put my diet coke down, grab the tank lid and push the flush valve down with authority – all in one nimble motion.

Phew!  See – my life has impooproved.

Poop redux

There are many poop stories that I do not post. Posting poop is perilous. (I hate alliteration – in sermons. Heaven is full of pastors speaking to each other in alliteration). I mean there is Theo’s reputation to consider. Then there is the audience – vast and immeasurable. What kind of response will there be? I just deleted the possible responses.
So I abide by the axiom, tread lightly when it comes to poop. I am embarking on new ground here and ground is what I like to feel between my toes. There is no poop guide – 101 ways to poop-blog. Poop dos and don’ts. I guess I could google it – nah. Poop – to post; or not to post . . . . Okay, let’s ease into this poop story. Close your eyes and step in.
I have been concentrating on Alex’s school and as a result have not been giving the normal amount of attention to Theo. Well he has his ways to make it known. So like our recent vacation, he decided not to relieve himself one night. I thought that’s okay, I can beat him on the grade. I wake him up about 11:30pm and he is relaxed as molasses. However, I decide to check on him at about 10:30pm and turn the corner to see a poop bulge in the back of his drawers; about the size of a cow patty in Texas. So I grab him and he is soaked head to toe. Pee is everywhere. So we waddle to the bathroom where I attempt to extract the poop without touching it. Because who wants to touch poop balls? But as I attempt to remove them from his tidy whities some of them become missiles and I have to be a man and use my hand – again. Fiddle. So I fill the tub and get him comfortably soaking and take off to the containment area. Everything is soaked – good gravy. I just washed his sheets and bedspread. I get new pajamas, finish bathing him and guess where he has to sleep. Argh!

Poop Story

I know what you’re thinking. ‘Another story about poop?!’ Listen poop is my life. Theo poops – okay. And he is not normal. So that leads to abnormal poop situations on almost a daily basis. So I’m making it a category on this blog.

Now if you are squeamish, or if you are a pietoid, then read at your own risk. Your gag reflex might kick in or you might be a pietistic Christian that is slightly acetic or Gnostic and you are above earthy things.

Okay, so back to Theo-poop. Not too long ago when Theo was between diapers and potty pooping he would end up with about three pounds in his drawers. Now this did not seem to bother him and he would be about his business – after doing his business. Oh, I forgot. He also likes to take his clothes off. Usually outside. I haven’t talked to the neighbors to see what they think. (Note to self: new category – little boy streaking.)

So one day I walk downstairs into the basement and see Theo running in the door (from outside!) in just his bun huggers with the dog right behind – if you know what I mean. Theo is cackling as he runs in like he is having the time of his life. It is then I notice Theo has half a load in his tidy whities and the dog is sticking his nose right up in there – which is the source of Theo’s tickle. Well, to my horror the !@#$ dog is bumping poop balls out of Theo’s possession and scarfing them up on one bounce. Dog gone it!

I guess the good thing is I didn’t have much to clean up. Carpe Poopem.

Poop abounding

A life about a boy!?  You may think, ‘so what?’  But I assure you life with Theo is anything but boring.  Read on and be prepared to see a life turned upside Down.  Oh yeah.

We just recently potty trained Theo to poop in the toilet.  Listen this was a great accomplishment.  I rank it above receiving my Masters degree.  Getting Theo to the poop-on-the-potty-point took longer.

On with the poop story — we decided to spend Christmas on the beach this year with extended family.  This means we stayed for a week in a different house.  Of course, this is great for normal folks because it is an escape in order to relax.  No reminders of remodeling projects, no thought of work and other routines.  But Theo loves, needs – he absolutely must have routine!  Routine is king.  So a new environment means that Theo will be out of whack.

Now, on with the poop story (really).  So Theo decides, on our vacation, to quit pooping on the toilet.  Well he might decide that, but it is an irresistible force.  I mean it has got to come sometime.  And those times can be interesting.  The first time his movement moved was in an over sized toilet — the hot tub.  I could tell something was up (or down) due to a sudden putrid smell and the grimace on his face.  So I turned the jets off and took a look at the bottom of the tub.  Sure enough, there they were, rocking in the current.  So I looked around, but an hot tub doesn’t have a poop scooper hanging on the side, so I sucked it up and reached down, masterfully scooping every one of them up with my bare fingers, then threw each one of the balls onto the dunes.  This is probably illegal.  But this is not the poop story I intended to tell . . .

Okay, this is it.  But now you have some color.  I figured it was time for Theo to get a shower so I take him potty and try for a miracle.  But he doesn’t need to poop.  So I put him in the shower, turn around to do something, and then start toward the shower when suddenly Theo bends his knees slightly and eight shiny poop balls pepper the shower floor.  Argh!

So I wipe them up, with a rag this time, clean the floor and we are ready to continue.  However, I have no rag to clean Theo!  So I put the bar of soap in my hand and start to clean his bottom — only to find yet another poop ball lodged between the cheeks.  Good gravy!  I look at the open toilet, grab the ball and shoot a three pointer.  I’m only good up to about fifthteen feet so I have another mess to clean up after the shower.