Much study is a weariness of the flesh

I decided to try and take Theo for a walk to see if I can begin to include him on my occasional work out walks.  It started out well; we made it about five blocks and then Theo saw the library.  So I was irresistibly drawn into the book room, which shouldn’t be a bad thing but I was walking.  And if I go into the library with Theo it means that I will sit in the children’s section too long in a chair made for hobbits.

Finally, after Theo looked through seven books he gathered them up and we headed to check out – without my library card or any I.D. whatsoever – almost like voting.  Theo piled all the books on the counter while I said check out these two and hide the rest.  Oh, I failed to mention Theo brought his Spongebob backpack with twenty pounds of stuff.  So we start stuffing the books in the backpack and I begin zipping it up.  But wait, I’m not zipping correctly.  Theo is doing the jig he does when he is not happy.  Okay, well let’s zip the zippers on the side.  No, that’s not the ticket.  Okay, there is a line . . . let’s go kid.

Theo never recovers from the zip disaster and wants to walk in the middle of the street.  I drag him to the side of the road, but my offense is too great, I am a lousy zipper ostensibly.  I then have to pick him up and swing him onto my back then bend over and pick up the zipped backpack which weighs, did I mention it, twenty plus pounds now.

During Theo’s ride home he enjoys holding on too tightly.  I have to constantly move his hands from my throat with my chin in self-defense, because it takes two hands to hold him and the thirty pound backpack.

Well I did want a workout, but oxygen is an important part of exercise.  So I walk, Theo rides, and I concentrate on keeping my trachea open.  That is, until my arms are screaming at me for relief.  Then I swing Theo down and he starts to walk – I still have the backpack.  Why didn’t I take the path less traveled?

Well, we took off for the Blue Ridge Mountains last weekend.  We were able to become human again without internet service.  The last day we decided to hike to Linville Falls.  Now, Theo doesn’t hike well.  He had already hiked at the cabin with us and when he gets tired, he stops.  I know what you’re thinking.  Listen I just can’t leave him there.  I mean, sneak out of sight and watch him until he decides to start on his own volition.  I did do that when he was at the rope swing which is about two hundreds yards away from my watchful eye.  But on the trail, it’s different.  So I have to carry him back.  And he must stop growing or I must start lifting weights.

So when we got to Linville Falls the girls talked me into taking Theo down the trail, even though I knew he would stop.  However it was so cold that after a half of mile the girls put Theo on my back and we hiked back as fast as I could go.

Booger Bear

So we were at 30,000 feet and Theo was playing with the safety brochure which he had rolled up.  He was attempting to unlatch the tray in front of him with it and the plastic brochure suddenly came loose from prying at it and hit Theo in the right eye.  Well he started tuning up.  He doesn’t normally cry, but he does start, what we call, tuning up.  His chin quivers, he flashes frowns, then maybe a tear drops.  This was a pretty good poke in the eye so he did let out some tears with his face against the wall next to the window.

Next thing I noticed he was rubbing his hand against the wall and I see a huge, green booger on the wall.  I quickly reached for my handkerchief (and as you know on a plane nothing happens quickly on a plane) and while I struggled to pull it out, Theo continued to rub the booger on the wall, down to the arm of the seat, back on his finger and then I rescued the passengers from the green blob.

If you are flying Delta and sit in 9D, don’t sleep with your head against the wall.

Huck Finn

While visiting friends in New Orleans we took a walk on the levee and viewed the mighty Mississippi river.  Then Theo decided to make a run for it.  Fortunately, for me David Jr. put the kabash on the Great Escape.

Day four

Day four on our trip.  Theo is out of his routine, so you know what that means.  He has not pooped this whole trip.  If you are aware of the poop-posts you know I need a hot tub.  I just hope that he doesn’t change his mind at 30,000 feet later today.  Talk about an emergency landing.  Not even the Sky Marshall could handle this situation.  Suddenly the oxygen masks are deployed.  I’ve already imagined me and Theo in the Airliner’s bathroom.  Please God, loose those bowels – now!

I’ll try to keep you up to date with on the spot poop reports.

Got to get back to the garden

Alex has a friend over today and Theo is enjoying it.  Maybe a little too much.  Holly and I returned home from a fun shopping trip preparing to go to LA and Alex and her friend took a walk to the lake two blocks away.  After a few minutes Holly asked where is Theo?  We both had that dreaded feeling parents get at times like this.  I began to look, then while running upstairs Alex calls me.  I answer, “Got Theo?”  “Yeap.”

Theo must have seen them leave, grabbed his wagon and in his spongebob pajamas took off for Yasgur’s farm.  I jumped in my truck and when I came upon my child from God, he was walking along the road and I asked him, “Where are you going?”  And this he said to me, “Ag!

Tennis club

The breakfast routine is over so I run back to my office to check important things like email, which I don’t receive anymore – just a to do list.  Then facebook; I think I will hide that person – gg.  Then Theo’s blog to reread and check for errors, while I think I don’t have any material.  He has been pretty normal – ha!

That is when at 8:22am the front door bell begins to ring, incessantly.  I dutifully unlock the door and there is Theo with luggage, which he hands to me like I’m ticket checker, a seeder with his hot wheels box in it and Holly’s tennis racket.

Now picture this, he is in his pajamas, he has just walked out of the back door and around the house, he has a collection of stuff similar to a homeless guy with a shopping cart.  Now you know the real reason no one messes with us in this neighborhood.

He then begins to push the seeder with his right hand and takes the luggage from me with his left hand.  But wait – the tennis racket falls out, uh oh.  Theo is perturbed.  He picks it up and crams it in the seeder.  It falls again.  He is irritated.  He tries placing the handle down first.  Amazingly the racket stays in the seeder.

Okay, he makes his way around the kitchen table.  The racket falls again.  What’s after irritated?  The seeder is assaulted until it complies.  Then he walks calmly down the hallway into his bedroom.  I guess he is about to take a trip to sow his seed, race cars then play tennis.

Theo’s Dad

While the girls watch Anne of Green Gables gab on and on, from the opening scene until the last frame, I thought I might write about the dump.

Theo and I take somewhat regular trips to the dump – he loves it.  Recently we made the trek and as I got out of the truck, Theo began to get into his position.  He remains in the truck, but typically opens the back truck window and watches or somehow contributes as I do the work.  You know, kind of like Jim on Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom.  This time I left my phone in the cab so he grabbed it and was taking pictures of me while I tamed trash.

Finally I finished and started back to the driver’s side while deftly moving my right hand to retrieve my keys.  That is when I noticed my belt loop was broken.  Yikes!  Typically, Theo is the source of such chaos.  This time I knew I was in trouble and he was a spectator.

So I searched the ground around the truck, under the truck, beside the truck, over the truck, inside the truck, above the truck.  Then I knew there was only one thing left to do.  So without asking, Theo watched as I suddenly jumped in the dumpster.  I didn’t care what the dumpster guys would say — besides I can’t even understand them.

Several years ago I pulled up and three old men who were ‘manning’ the process were all sitting next to me as I tossed my used life into their large can and they never stopped talking.  I actually listened because it was a remarkable example of a dialect of American which I could not cipher.  Maybe it was a combination of no teeth and North Carolina.  I digress though.

So there I was, on top of a full dumpster and a Down Syndrome kid thinking I was out of my mind, or maybe I was having fun.  I didn’t even look at the people waiting in line.  Fortunately, I moved a few things I had thrown in and there they were.  Now who’s retarded?

Tripping with Theo II

Theo has his routines. On the trip back from Texas, when taking him into the many restrooms along the way, Theo goes through a ritual. First he has to flush the toilet – repeatedly. Then as I get him ready to sit down he rubs my hair (for good luck I guess). Once in position he rolls out the paper for me. Once I have the paper in hand, he then tries to take it from me. Then he gets some paper for himself and places it in the toilet. Well he can’t have anything in the toilet without flushing it – more flushing. He might go through this routine for several minutes before getting down to business, while I am telling him to do his business.
Over at the sink there are more habits. Get the soap and I turn the water on. He then adjusts the water for sometime. Gets more soap since it has washed off during the adjusting. Finally wash his hands and then comes the paper towel. Theo pulls or cranks the paper out and takes his time to adequately dry his hands. Then he must place it in the trash can and it has to be all the way in. When there are hand blowers he spends his time turning the knob while I punch it. Finally I grab his wet hand and we exit. Glad that’s over.

Tripping with Theo

Traveling with Theo can be interesting.  If you think multiple McDonald’s restrooms are interesting.  Since Theo doesn’t understand the germ theory yet, I take a package of wipes with him.  First I clean the seating apparatus while Theo constantly flushes the valve.  He is very disappointed when it is a motion sensor.  He is usually excited about every element of the routine.  Flushing after he is finished, getting soap out of the dispenser, turning on the water, getting a paper towel; all of which are different and sometimes use different technology.  Sometimes I even get to use the restroom.